The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
