you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The best revenge is premature balding
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
