hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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