There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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