I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
