it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
