Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
