isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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