her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
