I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
