I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
