did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
