Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
