Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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