JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
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Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
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she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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