We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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