don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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