Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
