i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
third nipple confirmed
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
