i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
