Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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