I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
