I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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