I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i will never coherently bang her
I wish you could order shots online.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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