I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
