wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
