break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
