Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
