Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
