You're my little dorito
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
