So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
