it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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