My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
