if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think we might need a safe word for this...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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