It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
