I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
