Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have fence marks all over my body
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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