I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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