I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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