Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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