I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
