Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
