wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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