Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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