I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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