A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
