hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
