her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
