maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
