Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
