Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am available for nakedness
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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