They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
