Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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