but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
