u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
