To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
