I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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