i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i can't believe i had my finger in that
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
