Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
