I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
