she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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